In a couple of weeks I have my final degree show in London, as well as my final degree results.
Despite being a working artist before beginning my degree, I have found the END of this 5 year course a lot more difficult than I thought it would be, on an emotional level. For a week or two, I felt exhausted, and somewhat depressed. Studying part-time, you always have something in the back of your mind- something you should be getting on with, organising and/or finishing. Now it’s over, I had a period of feeling empty.
Yesterday was the two year anniversary of the loss of an old friend. I try to remember her birthday collectively with friends, as a more positive response to grief, but when June rolls round, I feel very dark. My friend was always so supportive of my decision to move away from London and focus on my art. I looked forward to finishing my studies, and being able more physically and mentally available to see my old friends. I know that if she were still here, she would be at my degree show, laughing and being mischievous, like we were back in college. This thought makes me smile, but is also so sad it hurts.
Now I’ve had time to rest, and reflect, I’ve thrown myself in at the deep end, and have applied to do some queer, feminist live art workshops based around dance and performance. I want to continue using my body in my work where possible, but certainly need some outside influence.
In October, I have an exhibition in a small, experimental art space in Brighton. The piece I am working on is entirely without my body, and will be using digital techniques. I think after making such personal work in my degree, I wanted to create something pleasurable, that is an escape. The working title is LOOP.
I’ve also started a TinyLetter, for anyone who wants to join, and get the occasional email about what I’m up to creatively.